Women’s hair care products… the silent killer!

Has anyone else noticed how many scare campaigns there are in the media today? Sometimes it feels like someone’s trying to scare us out of ever leaving the house

Gun crime is more rampant than a 10-year-old who’s just discovered the “other” use for his hand, knives are supposedly hidden under every schoolboy’s jacket, and every time you shake hands with someone you are leaving yourself open to STDs. In fact, every newspaper and every TV station seems to have its own personal favourite danger that’s going to kill us quicker than a terrorist handing out free cigarettes. Well, ok, but personally, I think these campaigners are missing the real danger here. You see, I can deal with the guns, knives and other weapons because I already know they are unsafe, and I know not to piss off a guy holding them. Similarly, I can deal with the four hundred and ninety eight food products found to cause cancer each month, because I can simply avoid eating, drinking, or snorting them. What I wasn’t prepared for, and what the media never thought to warn us about, however, is the unexpected danger we guys face each every day right here in our own homes…

Women’s hair care products are fucking lethal!

Seriously, when was the last time you checked through your girlfriend’s bathroom equipment? It’s like Dr Evil’s bondage lab in there! Forget knives and guns, bombs and pointy sticks, I’d prefer a hit with any of those compared to a foot impaled on a hairbrush, or second-degree burns from a curling iron. How embarrassing would that be to explain in the emergency room? How would you dismiss that as an old football wound? I mean, at least you could explain away a shark bite with your head held high, but “Yeah, I slipped on some shampoo and split myself open on the sink” doesn’t sound very cool at all.

Furthermore, it doesn’t even have to be an accident. What if you upset your girlfriend? A kick to the privates is one thing, but hot wax flung over the general area is another! Did you know they had this kind of weaponry hidden right there in your bathroom? Because I sure didn’t, or else I would have reported her ages ago!

Well since the media won’t take the responsibility, here’s AnotherSite.co.uk’s official warning to all the guys out there…

The Real Top Five dangers to your life:

1) All over body razors:

Have you seen the size of women’s razors these days? I swear you could harvest corn with some of them! Surely it is only a matter of time before someone holds up a post office or liquor store with one, and no wonder they’ve banned them on planes. I’d take my chances with the shoe-bomber, I think.

2) Hot wax hair remover:

Now the main problem with hot wax strip hair remover is that is will remove pretty much anything else as well. Now call me unfashionable, but, I, for one, value my skin over the “cannot get with a razor” smoothness of my girlfriend’s legs. As long as these things are on the floor, or on any surface where I can tread or lean in them, I’m staying at my mother’s.

3) Red hot curling irons:

Here’s a little trivia for you – Did you know that in medieval times, they had hot curling irons too? No? Well, they sure did! Only, in medieval times, hot curling irons were more commonly known as - red-hot pokers - and were mainly used for torture. So next time you’re curling your hair, ladies, spare a thought for the poor bastard who took a hot one up the backside in 1459 as an important step in your product’s development.

4) Eye stinging, flammable hairspray:

Can you say blowtorch or mace? …Or can you say “blowtorchmace” altogether because, frankly, that’s what these bastards are! The police will be issued with them soon too, mark my words. Also, I’m not even going to start on the dangers of children getting high on the fumes either, because, as all kids know, drugs are bad, Mkay! Unless you score them for free.

5) Plastic hair-dryers, which become hotter than the sun:

Note to manufacturers - Hot things cause burns. Second note to manufacturers – plastic is conductive of heat and gets hot. Third note to manufacturers – Don’t make hairdryers out of plastic if they are going to get too frickin’ hot to hold! The same piece of plastic that channels the HOT air also makes up the handle, for God’s sake. Did you design the Titanic in an earlier life?

In conclusion…

Screw the conclusion; I could go on, you know! Five doesn’t even scratch the surface! The only reason I’m stopping here is because I couldn’t name half of the other things I saw in the bathroom. I think the moral of the story here, guys, is to ignore the media and look for dangers closer to home. It isn’t always the safe, beer-stocked place you thought it was. And, finally, remember, girls, we’d rather you looked ugly than we died, so go OUT to a damn beauty parlour next time!

Why not..

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