Ernie's House of Whoop Ass Dot Com

This utility is supposed to analyze a blog and tell you if it's been written by a man or a woman -- and since it doesn't work that well, my guess is it's made by a woman. Yes, it's about as useful as a wooden Commodore 64.

Because stripper accidents are becoming so everyday, they're the new black!

This sketch of MegaMan is actually pretty normal, until you read the artist's comments. What kind of a crazy bitch would do that?

One comedy show I always try to catch is Robot Chicken. I especially love the mashups, like when Michael Chiklis lent his voice and they did a crossover between The Shield and Fantastic Four. You're being awfully quiet, Sue. ... Bitch. Anyway, here's a bunch more Robot Chicken.

Good news, I am 66% likely to survive another Great Depression.

there's always room for haiku. especially when it's haiku for zombies.

well, someone seems a little unhappy with their web hosting service. servage.

is it me or does melanie griffith's face look like a bag of silly putty left out in the sun?

how these people don't end up smacking the shit out of these cheerleaders, i'll never know.

because nut shots are always funny when it's not happening to me, i'll bet you can't count to ten.

ATTENTION ALL ZOMBIE FANS... LEFT 4 DEAD IS YOUR VIDEO GAME. WITH FAT ZOMBIES WHO VOMIT ON YOU.

November 29, 2008

Insert Your Favorite Weekend Joke Here.

christopher walken is watching you pee.

education film for children: how hot dogs are made!

new leader in under construction is squicker with 33,334.

well, this is something you don't see every day. safe for work.

this kid sure would make a great dragon in the highschool play.

and now for something quite useful: running christmas lights on your bike.

whatever you type into this website gets flipped upsided down. trippy man, trippy.

let's check your short term memory. oh, and you can check your short term memory, too.

the transporter was awesome. the second was a little shark jumpy. looks like the third kicks ass.

November 28, 2008

Shhhhhhhhh, Quit Talking So Loud.

Everyone gave a nice Thanksgiving? Good. Lots to eat and drink? Good. I hope everyone was able to tune in and get the biggest Rick Roll ever, yes? Good. So now we can focus on Christmas. But first let me ask you something. Four men and four women are shipwrecked on a desert island. Eventually each one falls in love with one another, and is himself loved by one person. John falls in love with a girl who is in love with Jim. Arthur loves a girl who loves the man who loves Ellen. Mary is loved by the man who is loved by the girl who is loved by Bruce. Gloria hates Bruce and is hated by the man whom Hazel loves. So my question is: Who loves Arthur?

It seems that even in the wake of the terrible Metrolink accident just a month or so ago, MetroLink is still having trouble getting its engineers to stop at red signals. This train had two engineers in the cab at the time of this accident. From what I understand, the MetroLink train ran the red signal and slide into the sixth car from the rear of our BNSF train, sideswiping the rear six cars and two Distributed Power locomotives on the rear of the train. [PHOTOS] Tyson

And the current leader in Under Construction is Big Mikey with 31,972. Also note, since Mikey has finished the game, only scores from completed games will be accepted. Any scores from games progress and I'll just stick my fingers in my ears and sing, "La! La! La!" until you go away.

Unless of course you were an incredibly blonde holding up a pair of panties that read, "Here comes trouble." Then we can talk.

the results of askmen's great male survey. interesting read.

is your favorite username taken? find out at usernamecheck.com

yeah i'll admit it. i'm looking forward to 'ice age: dawn of dinosaurs'.

a photo gallery of the mumbai terrorist attacks. some graphic content

the sword down the back i like. the forceps between the tits, not so much.

because it just never gets old: sarah silverman on paris hilton. no, not like that.

hot chick doing parkour. nothing super dangerous, but she's got a pretty stellar body.

cctv time lapse of an office parking lot in canada and how it fills in a period of 1hr and 40 mins.

November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving.

Well, it's another year and I've managed to keep a roof over my head, beer in my refrigerator, and gas in my truck. That's no small feat nowadays, either.

And I suppose if you're reading this, then you must be doing okay too, since you've at least got internet access. So today you should eat, drink, be merry and have a happy Thanksgiving.

But while you're sitting around that big fat turkey and enjoying laughs with your family, think about those who aren't.

They can make it home for Christmas though, but only if you help.

November 26, 2008

Keep Your Fucking Mouth Shut.

You want to know the hardest thing for me when posting on another website? Out of respect for the other webmaster, I can't really unload on someone like I'd normally do. It's like being invited to someone's Thanksgiving feast, getting into an argument with someone and spiking the dinner rolls into the gravy boat before leaping over the table with a butterkinfe in your hand. It's rude, and I don't do it. So instead of telling someone to blow it out their ass, I have to be humble. That's hard for me to do. Wicked hard.

I can't believe Ronnie got pinched. I thought at the last second, Vic was going to somehow pull off some immunity for him, or at the very least tip him off to run. Instead, Vic let Ronnie go down. Man that's fucked up. And it all stemmed from an immunity deal that Vic didn't have to take anyway, because Shane ended up killing himself. You see, Vic forgot the cardinal rule; Keep Your Fucking Mouth Shut. And it cost him his job, his family, and his friends. Now he's stuck in the soul sucking depths of cubicle hell with just this girl to watch your back. Brother should have kept his cool and held on to Olivia's file. You poor bastard.

Hello Ernie and Kat. I am the parent of one of the military personnel in Okinawa that you have helped to come home! My daughter's name is Kayla. I am in awe of what you have done for us and wish I had the words to express our thanks. Neither her nor I would have been able to come up with the funds needed last minute to purchase a ticket for her. I am extraordinarily grateful to you all...from the bottom of our hearts...Thank you. I have not seen Kayla in a long time and without your help, would not be able to see before she deploys again in January. Sincerely, Kelly B.

Ernie, the man. Kat, the woman. thanks very much for all that you have done to get my son home for the holidays this year of 2008. I could not have done this with out you. You guys are doing a great service for soldiers and families all over. My son Lance Corporal Michael J Sparacino of the US Marine Corps is so excited about coming home for Christmas. We just could not of done this with out you guys. I'm so glad I met you Ernie, you definitely are the man. If there is anything I can do to help in anyway please feel free to contact me anytime. I will do everything possible to get the word out and help get donations in for other soldiers. Any one with a family or friend in the service should know of you guy's and your services. Keep up the great work and keep bringing them home Tony S

Good Afternoon Sir, Now I know that your site says that you are awaiting more funds. Do you have any idea if you will be getting any soon. I'm stationed out here in Okinawa, Japan. Its been 2 years since ive been home and I leave for Iraq in a little less then 3 months. Ive been trying to get home and it cost to much to fly to Texas. I am an only Child and I only have a mother. My mother is not doing to well and im trying to get home to see her before im gone for another year. Is there any way ya'll could help me out, Please. I really need this ticket home and I don’t know where else to go to. If your group can not help, do you know of any other group that could help me out. I trying to get home from the 8th of Dec to the 23rd of Dec. Thank you very much for your help. LCpl. Simpson, Camp Foster, Okinawa, Japan.

Well you tell me, EHOWA army... do we have what it takes to send Megan home for Christmas?

Oh yeah, and I almost forgot. While you're having a few cocktails and waiting for the turkey to cook tomorrow, here's another game challenge. This one combines 99-Bricks with a conveyor belt, some spackle, and a sledge hammer. In Under Construction you have to assemble variosu shapes with Tetris like blocks. Lose points for any blank spots. You'll get the hang of it pretty quickly, I'm sure. But fast enogh to beat my 15,662? I doubt it.

Thanksgiving history lesson: To celebrate the harvest, the pilgrams and Indians came together in a feast; the greatest in all the land. But let's talk about the hat buckles, shall we? With ya fuckin hands in the air.

today on the people's court... classic 'in living color' da-dum-dum.

tara reid looking very, very unhealthy. sharapova is lookin good, though.

ten cars that damaged gm's reputation. c'mon the chevette wasn't that bad.

just because it's wednesday here's a ridiculously sexy model posing in a waterfall.

how can I get my labrador dog to stop urinating and defacating on me while i'm sleeping?

i can't believe they're still making that: underworld, cruel intentions, wild things. even highlander.

snoop and martha: i'm calling bullshit on snoop's 'santa go straight to the ghetto' - that's by james brown.